Everybody hurts sometime, but we must walk on
Whether nonprofit worker, pastor, or schoolteacher,
if you wish to serve in pluralistic, postmodern, 21st century California,
you will find yourself in the midst of interethnic conflict.
by Rodolpho Carrasco
February 24, 2001
in Pasadena
Star News
Rodolpho Carrasco is associate director of Harambee Christian Family Center in Pasadena, Calif.
Soon after graduating from Stanford University in 1990, I moved in to Northwest Pasadena to work in an urban youth ministry program at Harambee Christian Family Center.
I led with my good intentions, seeking to share the many blessings I had received with children in tough circumstances. I was not unaware of existing racial tensions between African Americans and Latinos. In fact, because of my faith, I sought out Harambee specifically because it was known for bringing different cultures together.
One day during my first year at Harambee, I was accused by African American youths of favoritism toward the Mexicans kids. I was unsettled by the way that accusation turned into a public event.
News traveled around the community quickly. What I thought was an internal issue became everybody's business. Parents, neighborhood residents, staff and young people awaited my response. African Americans wondered if I would neglect young Blacks. Latinos - the minority in that community to the Black majority - wondered if I was strong enough to protect their interests when only a few others in my position had.
I answered the accusation once, in the presence of the young people and staff, and got a few pairs of rolled eyes and "mm, hmms" from African American youths and staff. Other Black students and staff believed me and encouraged me. The Latino kids were a little harder to read. Nevertheless, I thought the matter closed and settled.
Over the next few weeks and months, however, the accusation lingered. I felt distrusted by some African Americans, and I also felt a strange distance from the older Latino youths, who were watching me and my lack of confidence stumble under pressure. Under suspicion, I felt the glare a presidential candidate must feel under hot television lights.
The truth of the situation was that I would have to win the trust of those I sought to serve. As true as it was, it was offensive to me. I considered myself an honest and trustworthy person. Why couldn't everybody recognize that? Why did I have to prove myself? But my choice was clear: do the hard work and win the trust, or else fade into obscurity. Eventually I won some trust, but it took a while, because people were judging my actions more than my words.
Seasoned political actors know exactly what I'm talking about. To be a politician is to be scrutinized, misunderstood, questioned, distrusted, and accused. If your feelings get hurt because of what somebody thinks about you, you are in the wrong business. If you are unwilling to stand in front of people and convince them of your merit, go do something that requires less personal examination.
I used to think these maxims applied only to politicians. But I discovered, during that life-changing event in the fall of 1990, that the same is also true for us private citizens serving in multiethnic environments.
Whether nonprofit worker, pastor, or schoolteacher, if you wish to serve in pluralistic, postmodern, 21st century California, you will find yourself in the middle of interethnic conflict. The question is whether you can overcome the racial distrust that lurks around every corner.
The African American boy is harassed by Latino children. Does that Black boy think that you, if you are not Black, will believe him, or will he fear that you will find a way to blame him for the conflict? Will have reason to avoid you the next time he has a problem?
Latino children say their White teachers make them feel dumb. If you are White, will you turn these children away, unintentionally, because the way you counsel them makes them feel dumber?
An African American family feels discriminated against when they try to rent an apartment. Will you try to convince them that the prejudice they sense is just in their imagination, proving that you are a person who does not understand?
The White volunteer is sincere but senses that she is unwanted by some Black and Latinos in the community. Can you empathize with her, with how she feels? Or will you coldly talk about other White do-gooders who have passed through that community, and lose a potential ally?
Victor Gordo, a candidate for Pasadena's Council District 5, says, "You cannot be an educator, police officer, or in any sort of public leadership role if you are not willing to push yourself to serve everyone equally."
Those are hard words, especially when you already feel like you are pushing yourself to the limit and still not winning trust. In a fantasy mindset, we imagine that only politicians have to live up to that near impossible standard. But those of us in the trenches know what Gordo says is true.
So we push ourselves to earn that trust. Poor listeners try to listen better. Inexperienced people try to gain experience. We try different foods. We visit others on their home turf. We learn other languages.
Still, we are sometimes misunderstood, or we make mistakes, and it's painful. In multiethnic California, everybody hurts, sometime.
California Lt. Gov. Cruz Bustamante recently uttered the "N-word" in a public speech, and now he watches his life flash before his eyes every day. In my episode ten years ago with the young people at Harambee, I was hurt by the fact that people mistrusted me and judged me, without even knowing me.
To Bustamante, and to anyone else who has ever borne the pain of being mistrusted in a multiethnic setting, I have two words: Walk on.
Accept the fact that the hard days will come, and walk on. Find like-minded friends who are committed to interethnic peace, and walk on together. There are still many who have not woken up to the fact that nearly every relationship or transaction in California has a multiethnic component where trust is at stake. They will appreciate it if, when they do wake up, someone will be there to help them to walk on.
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OTHER ARTICLES BY RODOLPHO CARRASCO
